


i waited on you, you never came

by PeculiarChild



Series: something about us [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Up, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Swearing, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Yamaguchi Tadashi Protection Squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25633393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeculiarChild/pseuds/PeculiarChild
Summary: Tsukishima and Yamaguchi haven't spoken in almost 4 years since Tsukishima has left abruptly after Yamaguchi's confession. A series of (un)fortunate events lead them back to each other.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: something about us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858162
Comments: 6
Kudos: 185





	i waited on you, you never came

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically my own (very different lol) version of the Haikyuu time skip! All characters are graduated from college and are working. I tried my best to be accurate with Yamaguchi's job, but I probably got it all wrong. Please don't mind that and enjoy reading!

Yamaguchi sighed as he pet the small chihuahua named Teresa he just finished examining. He thought it was something really bad judging by the panicked expression of her owner, but it turned out Teresa just had the flu. He quickly scribbled a prescription, ripping the page as he put the dog in her carrier and made his way towards the waiting room. He checked the paw shaped clock on his way, it was finally time to close up.

He put on his most impressive smile and explained the situation as best as he could to the clueless owner and handed her both the carrier and the prescription.

“Please don’t forget to drop by the counter, my friend there will help you with the procedure.”

Yamaguchi forced a smile again and saw the now relieved woman off to the counter where someone he didn’t know was filling in for today because the kind middle aged lady (Yamaguchi kept forgetting her name) who normally worked there was sick. After the woman paid and left, Yamaguchi flipped the sign on the door to ‘closed, only open for emergencies’ with a tired sigh.

They accepted emergency cases after closing time, but that didn’t concern Yamaguchi, as he was only responsible for the cases during working hours. He sometimes stayed back to help when there were too many cases but as far as he was concerned the owner of the clinic and his wife (also vets) handled the after-hours work to avoid paying extra to an employee.

Yamaguchi was quite happy with this arrangement, even if he got very busy it was very fulfilling, he got paid enough and if he wanted to be paid more, he could take extra work, his shifts were mostly stable and he had weekends off (mostly). He was lucky to have secured a job here.

As he shucked off his coat with his name tag on it and hung it on the hanger, he checked his phone. He had a text in the group chat from Kageyama, letting him know that his and Hinata’s practice was going to take a while to wrap up and that they would probably be late to their movie night. Yachi had sent endless crying emojis, which made Yamaguchi chuckle.

** YAMAGUCHI TADASHI PROTECTION SQUAD **

_(kageyama, sunboi, terubabe, yabitch, yamagucci)_

_(7:15 PM) yamagucci_ : I’m off work, I’ll be at your place in like 30?

 **(7:16 P.M.) yabitch :** DASHIIII PLEASE I’M GONNA DIE OF BOREDOM

 ** _(7:16 P.M.) terubabe :_** Yachi. I’m. Literally sitting next to you and we’re playing animal crossing

 **(7:17 P.M.) yabitch :** No. You don’t count, I want my cute baby Yama

 _(7:17 P.M.) yamagucci_ : Do you want anything? I haven’t eaten yet and I’m fucking starving

 **(7:18 P.M.) yabitch :** We wanted to wait for you and order pizza, so get your ass here quick before I start to nibble on Terushima

 ** _(7:18 PM.) terubabe :_** OH NO DASHI PLEASE SAVE ME SHES GONNA EAT MEEEE

Yamaguchi chuckled and pocketed his phone and put on his thick coat, a birthday gift from Terushima. He quickly waved his co-workers goodbye and stepped out into the cold, shivering like a leaf. His low tolerance to cold made winters less tolerable than any other season. He made his way to the station as quickly as he could, both because he didn’t want to miss the train and he didn’t want to stay out in the cold for too long. Thankfully, he managed to board it just on time. It was a short 20 minutes ride, which Yamaguchi was thankful for. During these hours the trains were always crowded, and Yamaguchi still didn’t do well with crowds. He barely managed to step off the train before the doors closed when he arrived at the station he was supposed to and took a shaky breath, the sudden rush of cold air like a slap on his face. He could feel his nose and cheeks redden almost immediately and he hurried to Yachi’s flat.

When he arrived, he was met with the sight of Terushima sitting upside down on the couch doing what appeared to be nothing and Yachi quickly pulled him inside.

“What’s Teru doing?”

“I don’t know. He’s either having an existential crisis or he’s making plans to murder me because I ate all of his sour patch kids.”

Yamaguchi let out a laugh as he took off his coat and hung it carefully next to his friends’ coats. He made his way over to where Terushima was sitting and flicked him across the forehead.

“Hey you big oaf, turn the right way, your face is all red and splotchy.”

Terushima rolled over and clung to Yamaguchi’s waist as he let out a whine.

“She ate them!! All of them!! How could she??”

“Shut the fuck up bitch, this is my house and I’m allowed to eat and drink anything and everything in this household! Maybe not Kageyama’s milk because he’s scary.”

“So Bakageyama is scary and I’m not??”

“No. You’re like a big teddy bear.”

Yamaguchi butted in as he peeled himself away from Terushima and plopped down on the couch. Yachi immediately claimed her spot next to him and slung an arm around his shoulder while Terushima just dropped his head on his lap.

“You guys already ordered ahead of me, right? It should be here soon.”

“Yeah. I’d rather not eat Teru if I can help it so we just went and ordered. We got some extra for those two idiots too, they’ll probably be hungry when they come back. Microwaved pizza is better than no pizza.”

Yamaguchi smiled at Yachi and reached for the abandoned TV remote as best as he could without jostling Terushima too much. He lazily flipped between channels, but something made him freeze. It was a rerun of the dinosaur documentary he and Tsukishima used to watch when they were still in high school. He blankly stared at the TV, one hand clutched to his chest as if that could help with the ache in his heart. He felt Yachi grab the remote and quickly flipped to another channel with her own shaky hands.

“Sheesh, Yamaguchi! Dinosaurs? So lame! Give me that, I knew you couldn’t be trusted with the TV!”

Yamaguchi let out a forced laugh and dropped his hand on Terushima’s head. He was glad that Yachi was trying to keep up a façade of normalcy for his sake. Even though the elephant in the room was so big that it took up all the space, no one addressed it. Not unless Yamaguchi himself did it first.

“Thanks.”

He mumbled, quietly stroking Terushima’s hair.

“What for? Insulting your terrible tastes?”

Yachi slapped his back and smiled brightly. Yamaguchi was truly blessed to have friends like them. Just as he was about to come up with a snarky retort the bell rang with Terushima dashing to the door at light speed.

“My saviour! I will not be eaten by this violent little chick anymore!!”

He pointed to Yachi before opening the door hastily, turning his back to a giggling Yamaguchi and pouting Yachi. Soon enough, he came back with 5 pizza boxes and 3 litres of cola and set them on the table with a grin.

“Bon apple teeth!”

Yachi facepalmed with probably more force than necessary and opened two of the boxes while Yamaguchi went to her small kitchen to get their respective mugs. It was Yachi’s thing. All of the squad had respective mugs to use designed by none other than Yachi herself at her house. Yachi’s had tiny chicks on them, Yamaguchi’s was a deep green and it read ‘too Gucci for you’ in sparkly letters, Terushima’s mug had the first tattoo design he ever made (it was not his best work, let’s say) on it, Kageyama’s one had volleyballs on it and Hinata’s was shaped as a tangerine.

Yamaguchi giggled when he picked up Terushima's mug, it was still hilarious no matter how many times he saw it. He returned to the living room where his two bird brained friends were stuffing their mouths full with pizza and set the mugs down, proceeding to sit between them and taking a slice for himself.

"How was work today Dashi?"

"It was alright, my last client was a tiny chihuahua who barked too much for her own good. Is it discrimination if I dislike chihuahuas? They're so loud."

"Oh boy, this is the first time I'm hearing a vet vocalize their dislike for a particular animal. Don't worry Dashi, your secret is safe with us!"

Yamaguchi opened his mouth to say something, but three collective notification sounds from their phones interrupted them. It was Hinata and he was letting them know they were coming.

"Ooh yeah. Human tangerine and volleydork are coming."

Yachi stuffed another slice in her mouth and got up, probably getting some towels for Hinata and Kageyama as they all knew they sweated like crazy after training. She used to bring towels to them after training back when they were still in high school too, and it made Yamaguchi smile sadly.

He missed those days where they were all friends. He still kept their graduation photo in his phone in a locked folder, just like every other photo that had Tsukishima in them. He kept memories related to him under wraps as best as he could as they brought nothing but pain now. He was usually good at repressing them, but seeing that documentary made them all come back to him in all their painful glory.

Yamaguchi had been in love with Tsukishima. He didn't know when it started, but once he realized it there was no denying it. He had been absolutely terrified of messing up their friendship if he said anything, so he did what he did best. He shut up. He went through high school with his feelings safely hidden away in his heart. He didn't once think about confessing. Even when they graduated and went to different colleges. Even when Tsukishima had started dating with girls from his school. Even when he noticed Tsukishima drifting farther and farther away from him.

It had been his last resort, to keep Tsukishima by his side for a little bit longer. It was sink or swim. Their friendship was falling apart, and so was Yamaguchi.

'I love you, Kei.' he had said. Didn't offer an explanation. He knew Tsukishima knew what he meant. He had looked at him with that cold, impossible to read expression and said 'Don't, Yamaguchi. You can’t.’ in a somehow strained voice and nothing else. The soft sound of the waves deafening as both boys stood in silence. They had stood three feet apart from each other under the first snow of the year, but Yamaguchi had never felt farther away from Tsukishima than he did at that moment. He had stood there, unmoving, and watched Tsukishima turn around and leave.

A few days later, he had tried to reach out. Ask to hang out like nothing happened. But Tsukishima had changed his number for the first time since he got a phone. It was at that moment that he had known at the deepest place in his heart that he finally did it. He ruined his friendship with Tsukishima.

He still believed that Tsukishima would reach out to him when he was ready. So he waited. Waited. And waited. He kept telling himself he wasn't waiting anymore. He was. He hadn't even changed his number with the hopes that he would maybe get the text he had been waiting for for almost 4 years.

"Tadashi."

Terushima was looking at him with a worried expression on his face and brushed his hair back from his face.

"You're trembling."

"I'm okay. I was just… lost in thought."

Terushima tapped his forehead gently against his as if he wanted to reassure him and Yamaguchi felt a pair of smaller arms wrap around both of them.

"Stupid Yamaguchi."

Yachi whispered and Yamaguchi let out a wet laugh, his two friends relaxing visibly.

"Yeah."

The door opened, startling all three of them and sending them tumbling to the ground together in a mess of limbs and soft giggles. Kageyama and Hinata stared at them, most likely trying to figure out what was happening.

“I don’t know what the fuck you three were doing but I’m sweaty and upsetty, so me and Kageyama are going to clean up quickly and then we’re going to talk shit about Bakageyama because he sent a spike straight to my face today.”

“HEY!”

Kageyama started to protest, but was dragged away by a pissy Hinata. Yamaguchi smiled again, he truly was blessed to have friends like them.

*****

Yamaguchi yawned again as he put on his coat and went to flip the sign on the door to ‘open’. They ended up staying the night at Yachi’s and sleepovers with all of them present always meant little to no sleep that night. He left as quietly as he could without disturbing his friends, only waking up Kageyama and Hinata as he knew they had morning practice today.

It seemed like it was going to be a slow day today, so he settled into his chair next to one of his co-workers. He was the only male vet in the clinic other than the owner and he wasn’t that close to his female co-workers but they got along just fine. They exchanged pleasantries and went their own way, that was just what they did.

After a while, the first few patients started coming in, Yamaguchi decided to take another look at their overnight patients another look while others took in the new patients. He didn’t know what made him go up to the front to take the next patient, but it was surely cruel. He froze on the spot before he could step in the room when he saw the tall figure holding an unmoving cat in his arms. Messy blonde hair, thick glasses, golden eyes…

Tsukishima Kei.

He was acutely aware of his hands shaking and it was suddenly a lot harder to breathe. He blinked a few times, unable to believe his eyes. Sure, he looked a little different than he remembered but Yamaguchi would recognize those eyes anywhere. He quickly glanced around to see all of his co-workers busy with other patients. Great. He had to take this one while possibly having a panic attack. He shoved his trembling hands in his pockets and tried to take a deep breath, hoping that maybe he could get some oxygen in his lungs and that maybe Tsukishima wouldn’t recognize him.

“Yama—”

“Welcome to Urban Pets Veterinary Clinic, what seems to be the issue?”

Yamaguchi quickly interrupted and mentally patted himself on the back for not stuttering once, even though his voice was barely above a whisper and cracked towards the end. Of fucking course he would recognize Yamaguchi, because why would things ever go the way Yamaguchi wanted them to?

“Honestly I don’t know, she was fine last night and when I woke up to go to work this morning she was throwing up and seemed to be in a lot of distress.”

Yamaguchi wordlessly took the cat from Tsukishima’s arms with great care to not touch him and took a look at the cat. She was curled in on herself, not even responding to Yamaguchi other than quiet painful mewls. His vet instincts kicked in suddenly and he hugged the her to his chest.

“Please check in with the front desk and wait in the waiting room. I’m taking your cat to the examination room. What’s her name?”

“Miki.”

“Alright Miki, here we go.”

He quickly turned his back on Tsukishima without a word and made his way towards the examination room.

The only thing that was preventing him from falling apart then and there was the fact that he had a duty as a vet to the innocent cat who was meowing in pain in his arms. He took another deep breath and willed his hands to stop shaking as best as he could and put on his best professional at work face.

"Alright Miki, let's see what's up with you."

The check-up for Miki seemed to pass by in a blur for Yamaguchi. He was fairly sure he knew what was up, but he had to see the tests he ran to know for sure. Now he only had to let Tsukishima know he was supposed to wait for test results to arrive, and then he could take a break and fall apart in peace.

He gulped around the invisible hand squeezing his throat and stepped into the waiting room where only Tsukishima was left.

"Miki seems to have contradicted a stomach bug. I won't know for sure until the results for the tests come in, so you'll have to wait a little for them to arrive. You're free to wait here. If that's the case we'll prescribe her some antibiotics and she'll be as good as new in a day or two."

Yamaguchi mentally congratulated himself again for being able to form long sentences like this without stuttering and turned on his heels and practically ran to the restroom.

Once he was safely there, he locked the door hastily and sank to his knees. He hurled into the toilet, the only thing coming out was the remnants of the coffee he drank as breakfast and stomach bile. No longer having to keep calm, he let his tears flow freely as he heaved some more until nothing was coming out. He then sat up and wiped his mouth and eyes, sniffling as he did so.

He couldn't afford to have a full-blown panic attack at work. He couldn't. He still had to see the test results and write a prescription. He still had a job to do.

He got up on his wobbly legs and returned to the back room to retrieve his phone. His thumb hovered over his favourite contacts, contemplating if he should call Terushima or not. He knew he'd be here as soon as he was able to. He was the only one who could properly deal with Yamaguchi's full-blown panic attacks. He decided against it, but sent him a text saying that he was coming over after work.

"Yamaguchi-san, Miki's test results are out!"

"I'm coming!"

He quickly put his phone back in his bag and retrieved the results, frowning as he did so. It was way more unstable than he hoped. He tapped a pen against his lips, it would be better to keep Miki overnight, the results were a little concerning.

He took a deep breath and hoped his eyes weren't noticeably red. The last thing he wanted was for Tsukishima to know he cried. He was going to be strong. Before his resolve could crumble, he stepped into the waiting room.

"Thank you for your patience, Tsukishima-san. The test results for Miki are a little concerning to me, it appears to be a stomach bug but her results are more unstable than I'd like. If you consent to it, I'd like to keep her here tonight so that she can be supervised properly.”

Tsukishima sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Oh... Alright. Please do. Are you open at night?"

"No. We only take emergency cases after closing hours. But qualified vets and personnel are always present in the clinic. You don't have to worry, she's in good hands. Please check in again at the front desk before leaving."

Yamaguchi waited a moment to see if he would say something, but he didn't. He clenched his teeth and turned around to go back to the examination room.

"Yamaguchi..."

Yamaguchi refused to stop and look back.

*****

When he arrived at Terushima's house, he was fully drained. The day's events had taken a lot out of him and his heart had been clenching painfully non-stop even after Tsukishima left.

"Hey Dashi. Are you alright?"

Was he alright? Was he? One little question peeled away all of his protective layers and stripped him bare, tears starting to cloud his vision.

"Tadashi?"

"He was at the clinic."

"What? Who?"

"Tsukishima! He brought in a sick cat and I was the only available one and I had to take it and I--"

He sobbed, crashing into Terushima's chest. He clutched his shirt tightly, as if he wanted to ground himself to something, anything.

"It's been four years, Yuuji! Why does it still hurt so bad? I thought it was alright now, but it feels like I'm being ripped apart at the seams!"

Terushima didn't say anything, just let Yamaguchi cling to him like a lifeline and hugged him tight.

"It's okay, Tadashi. Just let it out. I'm here. We're here for you."

It felt like an eternity before Yamaguchi's heart wrenching sobs subsided into broken little sniffles, his hands slowly dropping from Terushima's chest.

"Thank you."

He whispered.

"It's alright. You're precious to me. I just hate seeing you sad like this. If you want me to I can just break his nose or something."

Yamaguchi let out a laugh that suspiciously sounded like a sob and lightly smacked Terushima's chest.

"No violence!"

"So it's okay when Yachi hits me but it's not okay if I hit that douchebag?"

"Hey... Let's just not talk about him okay? I'll... Have to see him again in the morning too."

"You want me to come with you to the clinic tomorrow? I don't have any appointments in the morning."

“No… it’s fine. He’s just another client. There’s nothing that separates him from my other clients. Like the owner of that annoying chihuahua. Just a client. Nothing more, nothing less. I should be fine.”

Terushima sighed and led Yamaguchi to his worn-out couch and sat down next to him.

“You know, you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself, not me.”

“What else am I supposed to do, Yuuji?”

Yamaguchi mumbled, voice barely above a whisper. Terushima was looking at him with those sad eyes again. Yamaguchi didn’t want to see that. He never wanted to see any of his friends sad. Over the time, he had learned that his friends were doing their best to keep him happy, so he had grown accustomed to smiling away the pain. He knew that most of the time his friends didn’t buy it, but if it’d wipe that sad look on their faces, Yamaguchi would keep on smiling.

A beat passed in silence. And then another. Then another. The duo sat in silence, Yamaguchi fiddling with his hands. Neither of them knew what to say. After a few minutes of suffocating silence, Terushima got up.

“You haven’t eaten yet, right? Yachi dropped by in the morning and left me some onigiri. You want some?”

“Sure.”

Yamaguchi was not, in fact, hungry, but he welcomed the distraction. He was fairly sure that he’d throw up if he ate proper dinner, so something light like onigiri would probably help his unsettled stomach.

“Do you want me to heat it up?”

“Uh. Sure.”

Yamaguchi trailed after Terushima to the kitchen and plopped down on the ugly chairs Terushima insisted to keep and listened to the microwave beeping.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off tomorrow?”

“Positive, Teru. I don’t feel like riding on your bike in this weather.”

Terushima huffed but took the onigiri plate out of the microwave and set it on the table. Yamaguchi took one and started to nibble on it. He didn’t miss that Terushima was eating a lot slower than normal. He had a feeling that he had already eaten and was using this as an excuse to feed Yamaguchi.

He could barely finish a single onigiri before he felt like throwing up, so he pushed the plate away from him. Terushima didn’t push. Yamaguchi was grateful. Most of the time, Terushima acted like an obnoxious little bitch but Yamaguchi knew better. He cared a lot more than he let on.

“Hey, mind if I go to sleep now? I didn’t get much sleep yesterday and I woke up early.”

“Of course not. I was planning on designing a new tattoo anyways. Make yourself at home. You know where the blankets and my pyjamas are. Sleep well, Yama. I’ll be down at the studio if you need me. Don’t hesitate to come down, okay?”

“Okay.”

Terushima smiled at him and ruffled his hair lightly before heading down to his studio, leaving Yamaguchi alone in the apartment.

As he got ready to sleep on Terushima’s old but surprisingly comfy couch, he repeated his previous words about Tsukishima being the same as that chihuahua owner. It was the same thing. He could do it. He was just another client.

*****

No matter how much Yamaguchi had steeled himself, he was not ready to see Tsukishima again. He nervously checked Miki’s second test results for the umpteenth time. She was all good to go, but Yamaguchi was nervous. More nervous than the time the owner interviewed him for this job. And even worse, this wasn’t an excited nervous like that time. This was a scary nervous. The coffee he drank in the morning was almost burning his stomach, his heart was clenching painfully and he felt like he was going to have a stroke. He clenched and unclenched his fists, glancing at Miki. His co-workers have seemed to notice his nervousness but they weren’t saying anything. He tapped his foot on the floor nervously, locking eyes with a small hamster they had performed surgery on a few days ago. He let out the breath he had been holding, it felt so good to see the little guy recovering steadily.

“Yamaguchi-san! Miki’s owner is here!”

He heard someone yell. His heart started to pound even harder.

“Coming!”

He picked up Miki with shaky hands. He had never paid attention before, but she was most likely a stray. Her fur was rather clumpy, but clean for the most part. She looked well-fed but it was clear to an experienced vet like Yamaguchi that she had been living in the streets. Had Tsukishima found it on the street and started to care for her? That would explain the lack of a carrier and despite being vaccinated for rabies, not being spayed. Miki was a lot more hyper now that she was mostly cured and most likely would need a carrier or something of the sort. However, that was not Yamaguchi’s problem. He let cat playfully hit him with her paws a little and secured her in his arms, careful to not get scratched. He made his way to where Tsukishima was waiting, repeating to himself over and over that he’ll be fine.

“Oh.”

He breathed out when he saw the big sports bag Tsukishima was carrying with him. That was probably to carry Miki. Of course, Tsukishima was a smart man. Miki meowed happily when he saw Tsukishima, trying to use the element of surprise and jump out of Yamaguchi’s arms but Yamaguchi held on. He had dealt with much more hostile cats than Miki.

“Could you...?”

Tsukishima held open the sports bag, and Yamaguchi dropped Miki gently in it, hissing a little when Miki refused to let go and dug her claws into where Yamaguchi held her, forming light scratches along his forearm. Tsukishima quickly zipped the bag closed, careful not to zip it all the way to leave room for Miki to breathe. He then turned to look at Yamaguchi, who was loosely holding his scratched arm.

“I’m sorry about that. I should’ve gotten a carrier, but I was in a hurry to bring her here.”

“It’s alright. I’m a vet. I’ve held far more aggressive cats than Miki.”

There was a beat of awkward silence before Yamaguchi’s vet instincts took over and proceeded to inform Tsukishima about Miki’s situation.

“She seems mostly better today, but keep giving her the antibiotics I prescribed today too. Two times a day. I assume she’s a stray and you’re looking after her?”

“Yes. She’s been roaming around the neighbourhood for a while. Some other neighbours and I are feeding her.”

“In that case, mix the antibiotics to her food and make sure she eats it all. It’s the best if other cats don’t eat it.”

“Alright. Anything else I need to know about her condition?”

“No. She should be better than ever tomorrow. May I see you off to the front desk?”

Yamaguchi said, nodding towards the front desk. Tsukishima stayed silent. The silence was making Yamaguchi nervous again.

“Yamaguchi… Can we- “

“Is it about Miki?”

“No, but- “

“I have other patients to care for. Have a nice day.”

Yamaguchi turned on his heels and threw himself back into the examination room in a haste, earning curious looks from his co-workers. What he did was extremely unprofessional, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t ready. He wanted to hold onto this fake sense of ‘being over Tsukishima’ for a little more before he eventually fell apart.

*****

If you had told Yamaguchi that Tsukishima Kei would be waiting for him to get off work a few days ago, he would’ve laughed in your face. But here he was, rooted to his place as he spotted the familiar mop of blond hair a few meters away. His hopes of going unnoticed got crushed as Tsukishima turned his head and they locked eyes. Yamaguchi tried to take a step back, but Tsukishima was faster. With a few long strides, he made it to where Yamaguchi was standing.

“Do you have any more patients left?”

He didn’t. His traitorous mouth let Tsukishima know that before his brain could comprehend. His heart was thumping in his chest so loudly that Yamaguchi was afraid that Tsukishima could hear it.

“Can we… talk, then?”

Yamaguchi felt as if Tsukishima was staring right into his soul. He had forgotten how to breathe. His mind was blank, all the hurtful things he had been planning on saying if this day were to come forgotten. He could only focus on one single thought.

“Why only now?”

He barely managed to get the words out. He was suffocating. He had to leave. He had to get out. He didn’t want to hear whatever excuse Tsukishima was going to give him. He wasn’t ready. He was scared. He didn’t wait for a response as he walked past Tsukishima with tears blurring his vision. He hoped Tsukishima wouldn’t notice.

*****

“What is that asshole thinking? Waiting for you and demanding to talk like nothing happened?!”

Kageyama slammed his hands on Yamaguchi’s flimsy dining table, the table rattling dangerously. He had relayed the past two days’ events to the rest of his friends, and to say Kageyama was absolutely livid would be an understatement.

“Calm down, Kags. I know he’s a jerk and I’d make him say goodbye to his kneecaps if I saw him again but what’s important here is how Yama feels about it.”

Yachi took a sip of her now cold hot chocolate and glanced at Yamaguchi who chose to stay silent. Hinata was nervously tapping his fingers against the table, Kageyama was still seething silently and Terushima was just watching the whole thing unfold.

“You know we’ll support you regardless of what you decide, right? Even Bakageyama here will respect what you want to do.”

Hinata elbowed Kageyama under the table, Kageyama going quiet and bowing his head in embarrassment immediately.

“You already know what you want, right? Stop running away. You can’t postpone the inevitable. Even if you call bullshit on whatever he says, you’ll have the closure you need to actually move on. Think about it, Dashi. Don’t be a coward. We all know you’ve been waiting for this for four years.”

To the people who didn’t truly know her, Yachi might’ve looked like an airhead. She was bubbly and cheerful, always had the craziest ideas and got them in trouble, but to Yamaguchi she was really wise. She always somehow seemed to know the right thing to say.

Yamaguchi smiled sadly.

*****

Yamaguchi hadn’t seen Tsukishima after that night three days ago. He sighed defeatedly as he tied his hair back in a messy ponytail. It was one of the rare days that he didn’t have any plans with Yachi, Terushima or those two idiots. He didn’t want to stay at home only to have sad thoughts and wallow in his misery but he didn’t know what to do either. Plus, it was snowing outside. He hated the snow. But he figured it’d be better to be depressed outside than inside. Maybe he’d be too drained and would actually manage to get some quality sleep.

He gave himself an outfit check in case he decided to go sit down somewhere. He wore his ripped jeans with fishnets inside and the dark green hoodie which had a small paw print on the upper left part near the collar. He owned so many animal printed clothing but this one was his favourite for some reason. He glanced at his phone to check the time, it was a little past 9 P.M. Perfect time for his little walk around the town. He grabbed a scarf (he kept multiple scarves there, just in case) and his coat from the hanger, quickly putting them both on. Then he took out his gloves from his coat’s pocket and put them on too. He didn’t want to get too cold. He plugged in his earphones, grabbed his keys and wallet, put his boots on and left the house to start his little journey around the city.

When he first stepped outside his apartment, the snow had caught him off guard even if he knew it was snowing. He took care to not get out when it was snowing unless it was absolutely necessary. So taking a casual stroll like this in snow was something he hadn’t been doing for a long time. It felt weird.

He put one of playlist on shuffle and put his hands in his pocket, walking slowly. The slow beat of the song playing drowned out the city’s sounds, making him feel lonely even though he was surrounded by a sea of people. He took step after step, until he realized that his feet had carried him to the small playground he always passed by on his way to work. It was probably really old, judging by the faded colours of the slides and squeaking and rusty chains that held the swings. There was no one around, making the place seem out of this world.

He sat on one of the benches, watching as his breath fogged up the air. The snow was making him think of Tsukishima. Nowadays, everything was making him think about Tsukishima. Bumping into him really messed with his mind. When Tsukishima first turned his back on him and left, he had been devastated. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with what happened. Contrary to his friends’ belief, he had never gotten ‘better’. He just got better at suppressing his pain. Maybe they knew it too. Yamaguchi didn’t know. He had always been weak when it came to Tsukishima. He’d rather keep those memories locked away in his heart even if it was painful.

He wasn’t too surprised when he felt wetness drip down his face. He didn’t feel the suffocating pain he did when he first saw him in the clinic. He was much calmer now, but the tears still spilled on their own. He was powerless to stop them. So he let them fall, throwing his head back to look at the sky. He never really knew why Tsukishima did what he did. Back when they were friends, he couldn’t understand what was going through his head most of the time either. He could read him better than anyone else, but it was rare that Tsukishima told him what he was actually thinking.

During one of those rare occurrences, Tsukishima had let it slip that Yamaguchi’s freckles reminded him of stars after Yamaguchi had told him that he thought his freckles were ugly. He had immediately started to hate his freckles a little less. He smiled and reached a hand out towards the sky. It was harder to see stars in Tokyo than Miyagi, but Yamaguchi could still make out their faint light.

He dropped his hand back on his lap as his lower lip trembled slightly. He had been too scared to hear it when Tsukishima first tried to talk to him. He would be brave now. He wouldn’t run away.

*****

Yamaguchi had never expected to bump into Tsukishima again that day while getting his morning coffee before work. Kageyama had insisted on dropping him off to work for god knows why, and Kageyama always got what he wanted one way or another. It was just a simple morning like any other, Kageyama or Terushima dropping him off to work wasn’t a rare occurrence. He had told him to wait in the car, and he was glad that he did as he locked eyes with Tsukishima.

“My number is still the same, you know.”

Yamaguchi mumbled just loud enough for Tsukishima to hear as he passed by him, gloved hands clutching two cups of americano. He knew Tsukishima never deleted contacts. He paused for a moment and looked back just in time to see Tsukishima’s surprised face for a split second. Then he braced himself for the cold and got out of the small but cosy coffee shop, quickly making his way to where Kageyama had parked his car.

“Did something happen? You look… disoriented.”

Kageyama said as Yamaguchi got in the car and put his seatbelt on.

“Wow, look at you go Kags! Using big words like that!”

Yamaguchi joked. Kageyama huffed as he took one of the cups from Yamaguchi’s hands.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. Let’s go.”

He shot Kageyama a smile, heart thumping loudly in his chest as he sipped on his coffee.

*****

_(1:12 A.M.) Unknown Number :_ Can we talk tomorrow?

*****

Yamaguchi simply stood there, waves nearly reaching his boots, cool wind blowing snowflakes on his defenceless face. It was nearing midnight, the beach was completely empty. The soft crunch of the sand under Yamaguchi’s feet as he slowly walked around the shore mixed with the gentle sounds of the waves.

He was scared. But he promised himself he would be brave now. He was here because he wanted to finish this where it first started. He was here because he still held Tsukishima dear to his heart even after all those years.

“Yamaguchi?”

Yamaguchi tugged on his scarf softly to give himself a little bit more room to breathe as he turned around face the owner of the voice. Tsukishima Kei.

“I didn’t hear you coming.”

“You looked like you were focusing hard on something.”

“Yeah.”

Yamaguchi sat down on the soft sand where he was just out of the waves’ reach, hugging his knees. He saw Tsukishima do the same at the corner of his eyes. There was an awkward silence between them and for a while, all Yamaguchi could hear was the waves, mixed with the faint sound of the city.

“How… Have you been?”

“I’ve definitely seen better days.”

Yamaguchi chuckled, admitting that to Tsukishima didn’t feel weird in the slightest. Maybe it should’ve, but it didn’t. Being with Tsukishima had always been easier than being without him to Yamaguchi.

“I’m sorry.”

Yamaguchi turned to face Tsukishima fully. He was staring at the vast sea in front of them, his hands were clenched tightly on his lap. Yamaguchi waited for him to continue. It was obvious that he had more to say.

“I’m… Don’t interrupt, okay? Just listen. I know I should’ve done this much sooner but I… fuck.”

Tsukishima took his head between his hands, cursing quietly. He was practically buzzing with nervousness and anxiety. Yamaguchi had never seen him like this. It made him want to reach out and touch him.

“I had a crush on you. I realized it in our third year at Karasuno. And I didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. It scared me. Two men being together had always been a taboo in my eyes. I remember when Akiteru came out as bisexual. The disappointed look in my parents’ eyes never left me. They told him that if he met a nice girl none of these would matter. I remember Akiteru’s dejected face. I never wanted to feel like that. So I tried to run away. But you were… you, and I couldn’t. I saw college as a way out. I knew I was somehow popular. I went on dates. I put distance between you and me. I tried to fit myself in the ‘normal’ box. I thought I was doing good. But then… you confessed to me. All of my hard work to be ‘normal’, you just threw all that away with three words. But I couldn’t. You couldn’t love me. We couldn’t be together. Two men weren’t meant to be together. I kept telling myself this. I was… normal. I knew you’d act like nothing had happened a few days later, but I couldn’t. I knew I was hurting you, but I would only hurt you more if I had stayed. I didn’t want you to hate me, but it’d be better for you if you did. In the end, I was a coward who couldn’t come to terms with who he was. You were so brave, confessing just like that, and I was so fucking weak. The worst part is, I knew you’d understand, but telling you all of that would mean accepting everything I was denying back then. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Yamaguchi listened to Tsukishima with silent tears streaming down his face. He didn’t bother with wiping them. In the end, it was Tsukishima. Tsukishima, who was pouring his heart out for the first time since he’s known him. It was only fair if he let his guard down and showed him what he was feeling too.

He turned to face Tsukishima, only to find him staring straight into his eyes. Yamaguchi could swear his eyes were shining with wetness in the faint glow of the moon.

“It’s not fair.”

He whispered.

“It’s not fair, because I can’t even blame you for doing what you did.”

Because Yamaguchi was all too familiar with Tsukishima’s feelings back then. He himself struggled with it too. He wanted to scream, he wanted to be mad at Tsukishima. It wasn’t fair. He hugged his knees tighter.

“It took me so long to accept everything I’d been denying and when I finally did, you were the only thing on my mind. I wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you. But I couldn’t. Considering I left you just like that, I always thought you started hating me and moved on. I decided that it didn’t matter if you hated me, as long as you could be happy. When I saw you at the clinic, looking like you were about to burst into tears if I so much as breathed in your direction, I couldn’t stand it. Even if you hated me, I had to give you some closure. I’m so sorry for fucking everything up. You deserve so much better. I know I can’t ask you to forgive me. I should’ve done this much sooner.”

Tsukishima’s voice cracked towards the end. Yamaguchi saw the first tear roll down his cheek, dropping on the sand where his head was slightly bowed.

“At first, I wanted to hate you. I really did. I couldn’t understand it. Then I started to blame myself. It was tough. Whenever something happened, my first thought would be wanting to text you. But then I’d remember I couldn’t do that. Because we were no longer friends. It hurt a lot. But… I could never hate you. I unconsciously kept waiting for the day you’d come back. I was bitter when I first saw you, because you took too long. I was losing hope. I really… wanted to say hurtful things to you. I thought I wanted you to hurt too. But I don’t. I just… don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

He whispered the last part. Endless tears were blurring his vision now, but he saw Tsukishima move slightly forward with his arms open. An invitation.

Yamaguchi crashed into Tsukishima’s arms with probably more force than necessary, but neither of the boys minded. Yamaguchi clutched Tsukishima’s soft coat, shivering from both the cold and the intensity of his emotions. Oh god, how he missed him. All of his senses were filled with Tsukishima with the way they were both clinging to one another like a lifeline. He sobbed openly as he felt a warm wetness drip down onto his neck where Tsukishima’s head rested.

The snow was still falling around them, enveloping both boys in a cold embrace but Yamaguchi didn’t hate it now. He let it wash away his pain along with his tears.

“Kei… Please don’t hurt me anymore.”

Tsukishima held him tighter.

“I won’t, Tadashi. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well... this turned out to be way more angsty than I had originally planned. It was supposed to be a cute vet!Yama au but I banged out this angsty piece instead. Honestly it started writing itself at some point. I love Yama having a tight-knit friend group and Kageyama being protective of him so much that I just had to include it. I'm planning a sequel very soon (with TsukkiYama finally getting together) so stay tuned! Kudos and comments are very appreciated, thank you for reading!


End file.
